We all want a happy marriage. Even those of us who are in good marriages are always looking for ways to make them better. The smart ones who are in great marriages are only there because they put constant work into learning and devoting time to improving their marriages. I know that most of us don’t have the time we would like to devote to our marriage so I’m going to give you a secret that can do wonders when it comes to creating a happy home.
The Big Mistake Husbands Make
It happened to me not too long ago. I proceeded to describe something to my wife which should have really been something for my guy friends… it was kinda gross but it was something that was on my mind.
honestly I was just trying to share with my wife what I was thinking. I know she likes it when I’m honest and open with her but this was not the type of “open and honest” she likes.
Her response was, “Wow, how romantic.” (Just in case you can’t tell; there was a lot of sarcasm in that statement.)
It was as that moment I realized: My wife needs romance not just love.
Warning: Love Is Not The Same As Romance
Our culture has never quite gotten this one right. We often interchange and mistake love and romance much to the detriment of our relationships.
We read novels like Romeo and Juliet in high school and are told that is what love is. That’s not love, that’s romance. That is why it’s called a “romance novel.”
We can have romance without love or love without romance but when they go hand in hand is when we find the makings of a healthy marriage.
I think the Apostle Paul nailed it when he wrote what may be one of the most poetic and overused pieces of poetry in the Apostolic Scriptures:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)
The fact of the matter is that I can rightly apply this to my brother as much as I can my wife. within the context where it was written Paul is teaching his congregation how to treat each other, not how to treat their spouses.
Love is something we must have for all people. There are no limiting factors for us when it comes to who we should love.
This is the foundation for what me must have in a marriage but if we were to stop there, then there would be nothing special about our relationship with our spouse.
How many wives do you know that want a relationship that is “nothing special?”
Why Women Read Romance Novels
The irony is that romance is what makes a wife feel loved.
As a husband you can provide your wife with the best clothes, house, cars and it will never cause her to feel loved. In fact she may wind up resenting you for it if it causes you to spend all your time at work instead of spending time with her.
Romance is that “something special” every woman craves.
Romance, unlike love, is only for her.
When you romance your wife it makes her feel special. It makes her feel unique. It lets her know that you desire her.
Love Like a Teenager
Think back to high school… how many of your relationships were actually love? Compare your actions and your intentions with the description 1 Corinthians above.
That wasn’t love, but it sure was romance. All rational went out the window! Nothing mattered but that other person; the object of your desire.
You would find yourself doing stupid things just to spend time with her… nothing else mattered.
Would you do stupid things to spend time with your wife? She wishes you would…
Your wife needs to feel like she is the object of your desire.
It is when you make her feel special, above anyone else, that she will feel loved.
Think Exclusive Not Expensive
I know that as a man when reading something like this there is a warning that goes off in the back of our mind… it’s our bank account, the balance we have and how much we know we are going to have to pay in bills next week.
The thing is, women don’t need expensive things to feel loved.
They need your time. They need to know that you have been planning something special (you can read that as “spending time thinking about them”).
Here are some ideas to get you going:
- Bring her lunch at work. This shows her that you were thinking about her and that you took the time out of your day off to spend time with her. (Bonus points if it is a home made meal)
- Bring her flowers. Not the expensive $30 roses from the flower shops. Those are lame and played out anyhow. They take no thought and show no creativity! Stop by your local grocery store on the way home and bring her some wildflowers that are her favorite color. This shows her that you were thinking about her and that you pay attention to what matters to her.
- Go for a walk. Spending quality time together talking and holding hands is one of the best ways to show your wife that she is special. It shows her that she is more special than the TV show you are missing, more special than going out with your friends, more special than anything else you usually do. It is time where she gets your undivided attention.
- Get some ice-cream and watch the sun set. This one is particularly romantic and easy. It shows all the same things as going for a walk but adds ice-cream, and who doesn’t love ice-cream? (If she doesn’t love ice-cream substitute it for a special treat she does enjoy)
- Leave her a romantic note. Take some time out to write on a sticky note how much you love her or how you were thinking about her. This works even better when you can hide it somewhere for her to find when you are not around or she will not be expecting it.
We all need a reminder every now and again of what it means to be “in love.” Our women need to be romanced, our women need to feel special. Take a good honest look at your relationship and ask yourself, “when was the last time I made my woman feel desired?”
If it’s been more than a week you’ve gone too long. Think of something you can do today to remind your wife that she is special to you.
Question: What are some of your go-to moves for romancing your wife? Lets help each other out so we can all benefit. You can leave a comment by clicking here.